


Bartenders Get All The Cute Guys

by ohsomanyfandoms



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Alternate Universe - No Hale Fire, Artist Derek, BAMF Stiles, Bartender Stiles, Drinking, F/M, Female Stiles Stilinski, Multi, Nobody is Dead, as little angst as possible
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-10
Updated: 2014-02-17
Packaged: 2018-01-08 06:52:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1129624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohsomanyfandoms/pseuds/ohsomanyfandoms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>based on a prompt by tiaralshelton on tumblr<br/>a fic where female!Stiles is a deputy for the Sheriffs Department and pulls over a speeding Derek and Laura returning home for a family reunion and Derek tries to flirt his way out of the ticket and Stiles just stares at him like WTF and Laura is in the passenger seat laughing her ass off. And when they get home, Derek with a speeding ticket in hand, Laura tells the entire family and Derek is too embarrassed to exist so he goes to some bar to drink away his troubles, but Stiles is also the bartender there working a second job. Derek is like FML, but some of his old buddies come in and they try to get Stiles on the Team Derek train because he also happens to be Stiles’ favourite painter.<br/>When Stiles pulls Derek over and he flirts, Stiles accuses him of being high and makes him step out if the car for a field sobriety test because she’s a bit insecure and doesn’t understand what this hot asshole thinks he’s doing. And this is why Laura is dying from loss of oxygen to the brain in Derek’s passenger seat.<br/>they get to know each other and fun smut occurs</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Mistake, a Speeding ticket and a Restart

**Author's Note:**

> I have absolutely no idea about how the speeding ticket thing happens in america so just bare with me for a bit and I'll try to make it as funny as possible so expect light hearted-ness with some smut in a few chapters time. not beta-d so my fault for any mistakes. If anyone wants to help just send me a comment and I'll get back to you. enjoy! 
> 
> p.s. I have decided Derek's whole family is alive. And it is big-ish. Also human au because i see no need for werewolves in this one and also I kind of want Derek to not know what is going on around him as much as he would do if he had his werewolf super senses to guide him and because im a dick. Will also have mentions of the other wolves because I'm entirely not sneaky.

Derek was so ready to be back home, not only had it been way too long since he had seen most of his family, but also he had been driving for about 5 hours past the point where Laura had made him ready to kill her.  
“You know der-bear that this is exactly you’re going to get for the next two weeks from the rest of our loving family” Laura chirped. Derek rolled his eyes and sped up so he could get into bed as soon as possible.  
After about 5 minutes he was pulled over by a police car.  
“Do I ever get a break?”  
A brunette woman stepped out of the car looking distinctly put out, she was surprisingly thin and pretty, most police women he saw looked like they had lost hope in the world and found it in the doughnuts of America much like most of the male police officers Derek saw. She strolled up to the car as Derek thanked god for this pretty officer as flirting his way out of a ticket wouldn’t be so difficult to muster, he knew how he looked. He muttered a quick ‘stay quiet’ to Laura as he knew how she always dug them far deeper in holes than necessary then unrolled his window and smiled at the approaching woman.  
“Sir are you aware of the speed you were traveling?”  
“Er sorry I’m a little thrown I wasn’t really expecting someone”  
“Like me?” the police woman raised one eyebrow  
“Well I was going to say someone so incredibly beautiful but yeah I guess that’d be the same thing" at this point Laura splutters and Derek reminds himself to kill her later.  
“Sir could I have your licence and registration please?”  
“Of course. Could I have your name?” Derek openly checked her out and bit his lip.  
Laura spluttered and the police woman blankly stared, then narrowed her eyes at him.  
“Stiles Stilinski”  
“What a pretty name, it matches the rest of you” of course Derek had never heard of the name stiles and he knew the Sherriff of beacon hills but in for a penny in for a pound. Laura had had to put her fist in her mouth to prevent from crying in laughter. Stiles’ unimpressed look deepened and she really hoped her make up covered her blush, guy was obviously off his face ‘why are the hot ones always criminals or crack heads?’ stiles thought to herself, not for the first time  
“Sir could you please step out of the vehicle?” Derek did so and leaned against his Camaro licking his lips.  
“Exactly how much have you had to drink sir?” a squawk came from the passenger seat but Laura had slid so far down in the seat nether could see her and she was not the biggest of stiles’ problems at the time. Derek coughed  
“None officer.” Stiles made him take a breathalyser test then walk in a straight line. Finally stiles decided he was fit for the roads and issued him a ticket, she started to walk back to her car but turned back to Derek’s window  
“Oh Mr Hale don’t try to flirt your way out of a speeding ticket again, just drive slower. And say hi to everyone at the preserve for me Laura” she nodded across Derek to his sister.  
When the police car had driven away Derek banged his head against the steering wheel as Laura finally burst.  
“Oh god Derek that was awful! I don’t think I even need TV this holiday this story will keep me entertained for ages!” meanwhile Derek was dying with humiliation  
“I was just trying to get out of the ticket”  
Laura then decided to imitate his voice “what a pretty name. It matches the rest of you. Hahaha. Who told you that you could flirt because they LIED!!”  
Derek resumed the rest of the way in silence while Laura replayed it, much to Derek’s shame, over and over again for the whole half hour it took to get to the preserve, then ran in to tell everyone about it. Derek slowly unpacked the bags hoping to delay the torture as long as possible. Luckily his dad was the only one to come out of their house  
“Don’t worry son we’ve all done the same a few times, you in your usual room?”  
After an hour of torment Derek decided he needed a drink. Away from his family so he texted his ever present high school best friends Erica and Boyd to meet him at the rammer jammer (blatant hart of Dixie reference sorry I'm English and so I can only think of proper pub names or TV references) , they both text back enthusiastic replies and tell him to meet them there as Boyd said they already were there and Erica said they had a cute girl for him to meet and they were giving no hints but told him to put his best sex jeans on .  
When he got to the bar it was crowded, but no more than it had always been on a Friday evening. He quickly found Erica and Boyd sat at the same table they had always sat with the same drinks they always did.  
“Did you guys legally buy this table?” Derek laughed as they both hugged him, Erica slightly more enthusiastically than Boyd who looked coolly pleased to see his best friend of nearly 10 years .they easily chatted away Derek explained the ticket incident as quickly as he could, leaving out her name because in a small town like this anyone could be listening and he didn’t want to get in trouble for bitching about the sheriffs daughter even if he did own up to the fact he was entirely an idiot, they carried on like this for a few rounds of drinks kindly paid for by his two best friends until Erica started on Derek's love life and the girl he wanted him to meet.  
“Derek she is perfect for you, hot, funny and she doesn’t take any shit. Oh and she is mine and Boyd’s best friend as she is the bartender here and cooks like a god! so don't fuck it up” Derek looked to Boyd who shrugged in agreement.  
“well, if Boyd likes her she must be okay where is she?” he turned around looking at the bar before seeing the one person he really wish it wasn’t and tuning back round so quickly he was surprised to not have whiplash. “I don’t suppose she is the brunette standing behind the bar with the black tank top-“  
“With the great wrack yes and you are welcome” Erica grinned and nudged Derek's shoulder as he dropped his head on the table and wished for death to come.  
“Erica you. I. urgh she is the cop that gave me the ticket! Does life hate me?” Derek groaned as Boyd and Erica laughed at their hopeless friend.  
“HEY STILES WE HAVE SOMEONE YOU SHOULD MEET. HE'S HOT I PROMISE!"  
"Erica!" Derek hissed "for the love of god shut up!" But Erica (see also: the devil incarnate) just continued to laugh and wave the current bane of Derek's existence over to their table. His head was still on the table when she walked over, hands in the back pockets of her skinny jeans which she filed out great Derek noticed looking underneath his elbow. When he did bring his head back up she stopped in her tracks almost colliding with one particularly drunk guy Derek knew was Earl the town’s friendly drunk/baker (to be honest the cakes he made were amazing!).  
"It’s the speeding stoner who tries to flirt his way out of the law" Boyd grinned and Erica positively cackled.  
"I wasn’t actually stoned you know I passed all the tests"  
‘yeah sure honey just take a taxi home tonight, and no more drugs’ with that she turned and walked back to the bar throwing a tea towel over her shoulder as she went. Erica followed.  
"Stiles!? What the hell was that honey?"  
"That guy was such a douche! He tried to flirt to get out of a parking ticket, so I made him do all the drunk and high tests to teach him a lesson."  
“you actually thought that he was high didn’t you” Erica said with a smile, she knew Stiles too well by then and stiles just nodded while appearing really interested in cleaning the bar. “Come on stiles give the guy a chance he is actually is actually really great!”  
“He just seems like a jock that grew up using his looks and daddy’s money to get him anywhere he wanted. Tell me that isn’t true”  
“well okay he used to be like that, but then a lot of shit happened to him and he turned into the sweetest guy you’ll ever meet” Erica took a moment before she continued with a smile “he loves action movies”  
“He gets one chance” Stiles complied “but I need to work so he comes to me”  
“Yay okay!” Erica went back to the table “you’re up big boy” Boyd’s head snapped up “no, not you Derek.”  
“w-what?”  
“She said you had one chance, and don’t play the jock card, she already thinks you’re a douche.”  
Derek got up before quickly sitting back down “what the hell do I say . I don’t have any other cards.”  
“Be all artisty, if all else fails let your inner geek lose.”  
“You told me and I quote Derek for the love of god never let any cute girls know how much of a massive nerd you are it will not go well.”  
“That was in middle school when you were gangly and all eyebrows, now you are buff and only semi eyebrows” Derek fought the urge to raise one in annoyance. Derek stood up and walked over, getting slapped on the ass before he went. “Go get her tiger” once again Boyd lifted his eyebrows  
“Your sex life is way too obvious” Derek said and continued to the bar where he sat right in front of stiles “can we maybe start again?” Stiles decided there wasn’t anything to lose  
“Sure, what’ll it be?”


	2. A Second Chance, An Ice Pack and the Jeep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek is a knight in shining armour and stiles decides he's not awful

“A beer please, my name’s Derek. What’s yours?”

“Stiles, I haven’t seen you around where are you from?” stiles, in fact, knew exactly who Derek was and his mega rich family out on the preserve, but she had promised one chance, and he was hot so she was withholding judgement for the moment.

“My family lives out on the preserve, but I live in New York at the moment. How about you?”

“I’ve lived in this town my whole life. This is actually my second job; I also work for the sheriff’s department.”

“Oh really! I've heard you can meet some real douche bags doing that job!” This got a laugh out of stiles who nodded and put Derek's beer on the bar.

“So what is your job Derek?”

“struggling painter slash waiter.” stiles was still pouring drinks for other customers and turned her back on Derek to get one of the whiskeys they kept behind the bar into a glass.

“What are your paintings of?”

“Mainly nature. Sometimes wolves. Always under a different name though.” stiles’ head snapped up. No. Absolutely not. There was absolutely no way that he was Le Loup the artist that she majorly fangirls over. Every painting of his was amazing and she owned like 3 of them. She needed to play it cool.

“I’d like to see some of your work sometime.”

“No you really wouldn’t it’s awful.”

“You’re really selling it to me right now; I can see why you’re struggling.”

“I've had like 7 beers I'm not going to be at full selling potential and maybe it’s a clever rouse so you’ll be amazed when you see them and they don’t suck.” Derek grinned at stiles who laughed again.

“So do they?”

“Yeah they're really bad, you’ll never find any of them anyway I use a fake name.”

“What is it?” on reflection of how creepy that sounded she continued “just so I can stay away from it of course.”

“Of course and don’t judge its Le Loup, I know it’s dumb but I promised my 8 year old nephew he could choose it and he was a bit obsessed with wolves at the time so my uncle suggested French ‘to make it classy’ and now they won’t let me change it.” Stiles inwardly groaned during this ‘why does he have to be cute and good with kids and he is le Loup oh god he can never come to my house or he’ll think I'm a stalker, I mean why would he come to my house oh shit he has stopped talking just say they were a present.

“I think I've been given some of your paintings by an aunt.”

“Does she hate you?”

“Ahaa no they’re okay actually.” Stiles said while thinking ‘I love them paint me like twelve please’ “I have to keep them up so she doesn’t feel bad when she comes round” she can just hear Jackson’s voice ‘subtle Stilinski as always’ but Derek doesn’t seem to recognise the blatant lie and she will never let him know the hours spent looking for the second two after she found the first one on a vacation to new York in a gallery.

Before he can reply though Derek is rudely pushed out of the way buy some drunk jerk off who can barely stand on two feet.

“OI BABE can I have another bourbon chaser.” It was distinctly not a question. stiles put down her tea towel and turned to get the bourbon.

“helloo I want another drink.” Stiles rolled her eyes. She was far too used to this behaviour.

“I think you’ve had too much already.” She knew she hadn’t served him enough to get him this drunk, she would have to have a word with Lucy about making people so drunk they want to start fights. This guy was obviously too far gone, he didn’t seem to agree.

“Pssh I'm fine I just want another DRINK." He said as he wobbled precariously, his body disagreeing with his currently fucked up drunk brain.

“You’re cut off dude.”

“GET ME A FUCKING DRINK BITCH.” Derek stepped up at this.

“The lady said you're cut off, just go home and sleep it off.”

“What’s it to you faggit?” Stiles had had enough

“FIRSTLY WHAT HE SAYS IS RIGHT, SECONDLY JOEL MCMANN I KNOW YOU SUCKED GARY VITA OFF IN 10TH GRADE AND THIRDLY READ THE FUCKING SIGN DICKBAG.” She pointed above her head to a sign which read

          **If you are**

**Sexist**

**Racist**

**Homophobic**

**Or just** **a dick**

**Don’t come back until you are not**

In any other situation Derek would have laughed but Joel seemed to be having trouble actually reading the sign.

“it means get the fuck out.” Derek tried to move him away only to see the guy moving his fist back to get socked in the jaw, Derek’s head was thrown up and felt the pain immediately and tried to blink it away. That was going to sting for a while, but he didn’t feel anything break so no a&e for him, however, Derek had this problem with violence, he could very rarely be the bigger guy and just walk away. So he gave him a sucker punch to the cheek and a jab to the stomach which sent Joel straight to the floor. Together Derek and Boyd, who had come over to help, took him outside and into a taxi to the sheriff’s department with instructions to the driver to make sure he sleeps it off in a cell on order from stiles. When they came back there was a cheer started by stiles who gave them both free drinks and a few pats on the back, Erica however game them both a pat on the ass and told Derek to go get himself some of that pot of awesome, the redness on Derek's face was no longer just from the punch.

“Come on you let’s get some ice on that” She turned “LUCY! You're by yourself while I deal with the invalid and don’t let anyone start any fights” Derek thought he heard someone say something about stiles being a sexy nurse, Derek was sure it was Erica. At the same time someone that sounded like it could be Lucy saying how well stiles managed to prevent fights and then get the hot guy. He pointedly ignored both. When stiles and Derek got to the back room Derek spotted himself in the mirror and saw the tell-tale signs of a bruise forming, Stiles noticed he had stopped and turned round. 

“I didn’t think they could form that fast either, or have you just remembered how pretty you are?” Stiles grinned as Derek blushed. “Come on honey the ice packs in the fridge.” she grabbed his arm and pushed him onto the lumpiest couch he had ever seen while she went away, she came back with two portions of curly fries. Derek grinned. maybe getting punched wasn't so bad.

“free fries for my night in tight leather armour!” She didn’t let him remove the ice pack until she had googled ‘bar fight secret injury’ for fifteen minutes on her phone and was sure he was okay and they had eaten two portions of curly fries, each.

“That was pretty great what you did back there, reckless as fuck, but great.”

“Well I thought to myself that you had had enough of jocks that grew up using their looks and daddy’s money to get them anywhere they wanted.” Derek quoted.

“You heard that then?”

“Yup. We even now that I look a punch for you?” stiles smiled

“I suppose so.”

“You were pretty bad ass yourself back there”

“Yes I was wasn’t I? But seriously don’t pull dumb shit like that again; I'm pretty sure someone would sue me if I ruin your face” Derek shrugged

“There are a couple of crazies that might thank you”

“Oh well in that case you can join the team as our bouncer tomorrow” Stiles grinned as Derek laughed

“I really would but my paintings won’t go collecting dust in a gallery if I don’t paint them”

“What?” Stiles exclaimed “they’re really good. And you can always sell them to my grandma to give as unwanted presents to me” Derek’s eyes narrowed and he peered under his lashes.

“I thought you said it was you’re aunt that got you them”

“Well she’s a really old aunt, I mean she’s ancient and she acts like my-“ She was interrupted by Derek’s hand on her arm, she looked up at him trying to force her blush away just with will power. It totally didn’t work.

Before he could say anything she just bulldozed all over it. It was a tried and tested Stilinski method to avoid awkward situations by talking through them. “So it’s really late and you’ve been drinking I think you should go home where are Boyd and Erica have they left yet if they haven’t you can get a taxi with them and if they have I suppose you could go home with me. I mean not with me but in the same car. To different houses”

“Stiles! Learn to breathe” Derek laughed and went back out to the bar. Derek couldn’t see Erica or Boyd but he had a sneaking suspicion that she dragged him in the bathroom to make sure he went home in the same car because there were two half full glasses and Erica never left the bar without drinking every drop she could. Of course telling stiles would make him seem like a crazy person and there was also the irrefutable fact that stiles was hot and funny so driving home with her would really not be a hardship (hur hur hard-ship) . They got out into the parking lot.

“Where’s your car Miss Bartender Stilinski?” stiles pointed to her car. “I can’t see anything behind that big fuck off Jeep” Derek then suddenly realised and put his head in his hands in horror “it’s yours isn’t”

“Yep guess you're just as much of a smooth talker actually drunk as you are when I just think you are.”

“Oh god don’t remind me, my sister has told everyone who all think it’s hilarious. My family life is over they will never let me forget it." 

“Come on Romeo, home time.”

They got into the car and drove in happy silence until Derek spoke up.

“Look, I'm really sorry for being a jerk in the car to you I didn’t think-“

“That it wouldn’t work?” stiles asked with a raised eyebrow.

“no. well yes that’s true, but er...” Derek sighed. “There is no way I can talk my way out of this truthfully and not sound like a dick is there?”

“Nope.” stiles popped out the p in a way Derek knew she had forgiven him a while ago. They chatted along the way about their lives and families. When they got onto relationships Derek closed up though and stiles quickly changed the topic to favourite food of which she insisted he had to try her brownies one day (both of their minds immediately went to the gutter but neither mentioned it). 

On the drive to Derek's house they learned a whole lot more about each other and stiles was intrigued why Derek closed up. What kinds of relationships would make you completely shut down like that? Stiles thought.

“Erm, I don’t know if you're busy tomorrow or... But do you want to have lunch? If you can bear to be around someone so bruised and disfigured as me?”

“Well a few of my friends are meeting up for lunch if you want to come with?” Derek thought about it for a few seconds, his family will still be talking about his ‘incident' so he could be social for a few hours

“Er yeah when and where should I meet you?” Stiles told him about the local pizza place that blew stiles’ mind every time she went and Derek hopped out the Jeep “Thanks for the ride and the ice pack, I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Stiles drove off so pissed off that she didn’t kiss him, Derek walked to the house feeling exactly the same way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise it will eventually get explicit but I need some character building time and im sorry some of Derek is OOC but his family didn't die so im assuming he is more cheerful in this au. Also his big relationships are pretty much the same but Kate set his apartment on fire unsuccessfully trying to kill him, also Jennifer just used him because she's a bitch and Paige died of a disease.  
> the lack of punctuation anywhere in stiles' dialogue is on purpose she rambles without breathing even in her own brain.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it has taken me such a long time for a new chapter. I am a terrible, terrible person, but I had mocks and life happened a little bit (ohmigod shocking right?) and I PROMISE there will be smut in the next chapter. Also episode 19 seriously fucked me over but evil Stiles would TOTALLY get the v from me (well he would all the time anyway) and don't get me started on Derek's hotness. also crazy about t-pose's anti-sterek outburst. i still love the boy anyway but what do you guys think about it?

Derek was woken by being jumped on by what felt like 10,000 small elephants, he opened his eyes to see Laura overseeing the little ones wake Derek the most awful way possible. He took his revenge by ticking them while thanking all possible gods that he wore pyjamas while at his parents house. He couldn't get to Laura before she ran away yelling “OH OFFICER STILES HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE.”  
“LAURA I WILL KILL YOU.” ‘Just as soon as I have a gallon of coffee’ he added silently to himself.  
“No you won’t you have a date with THE LOVELY OFFICER STILES to get ready for.”

Why did Derek tell her about that? Oh yeah he was drunk and she made him a pizza and he felt super smug about getting such a cute girl after being in town for less than 4 hours. That reminded him to check the damage from last night. He got to the bathroom mirror and there was an angry purple (distinctly fist shaped) bruise on his jaw.

“I've got some make up if you need it for your date with the beautiful officer Stiles, although personally I think she may like the I’ve-just-had-my-ass-handed-to-me-on-a-plate look." She paused and looked at Derek sceptically. "What does the other guy look like?"  
His entire family was scarily good at creeping up on people so he just rolled his eyes at her through the mirror.  
“Hopefully he looks worse than me. I wasn’t knocked out at least”  
“Derek?” Cora’s judgey eyebrow shot up “what did you do?”  
“well I didn’t fuck up his jaw”  
“D’you know what? I don’t even want to know so I can’t be judged in a court of law” Derek sighed. Cora turned to the door then paused and turned back “just tell me he had all his limbs intact and no organ failure” Cora said so Derek just rolled his eyes and nodded. Cora always had been one for melodrama, he had only broken that one guy’s leg-admittedly it had been in three places, but the guy did have a knifeand was trying to rob him and his then-girlfriend Jennifer, plus Derek had rang the ambulance for the douche bag, so all in all Derek was definitely not the bad guy.

Derek got dressed and went down to breakfast. He found both his parents hidden under a pair of large newspapers, Laura was taking charge of the children, it seemed like it was second nature for her as they all looked towards her like she was a mixture of Santa, Disney world and the source of the world’s chocolate wrapped up into one person.  
Peter and his girlfriend, Nicole were sat at the other side of the table giggling like teenagers, they really were adorably in love.  
His eldest brother Matthew and his wife looked tired but happy, a look they had perfected with the 5 children they had. All the kids were so rowdy but cute Derek was proud of his brother and sister-in-law and he loved his nieces and nephews to pieces, even if they had woken him up by standing on his head this morning , that he mainly blamed on Laura the evil. Derek’s mind then went to the other evil female in his life, aka Erica and he had the traumatising thought of if the two of them ever teaming up against him. He doubted he would survive more than 5 minutes of that horror story.

*****

Back at stiles apartment she had called Lydia for emergency fashion help.  
“Derek Hale?, THE Derek Hale? As in utterly gorgeous but looks like he sits in the dark brooding about his life went to new York Derek Hale?  
“yup, well he is back and Le Loup and he asked me out and I said he could come to lunch with us all and what if I accidentally fangirl over him. What if my make up melts down my face or if I have a nip slip or if I fall. There is a serious possibility I may die from being close to someone so ridiculously attractive. Why the hell did he ask me out? What if he had a concussion and is now really regretting it but cant get in touch with me and so he just stands me up?”  
“okay stiles BREATHE!! It will be fine, he will show up, I will do your make up so it will actually stay on this time" (there had been a time when stiles' make up had sort of melted when she went on a date to the beach it was not good. Jackson had made a lot of clown jokes that year and still sometimes reminded her of it), "you won’t fall because we’re not going to put you in heels just yet. Its just lunch and you will UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES do the spaghetti ood impression. You are a gorgeous grown ass woman and if he doesn't like you, which by the way he clearly does like you as he asked you out, but if he doesn't like you then I will have a few things to say to him.” Stiles always knew how awesome Lydia was, but even after 8 years of friendship she was still scared of her and so should anyone else on the end of one of her ‘talks’. Stiles put the fifth clothing combination of the morning against herself to which Lydia scrunched her nose up and shook her head.  
“But I turn into an idiot around him, I legitimately think I am losing brain cells due to his pretty face and t-shirt that is so tight on him you can see every muscle.”  
“So he still looks like he was sculpted by Greek gods then?”  
“oh my god yes! I need to find something wrong with him soon or I will be at risk of becoming a total moron at lunch.” She slumped don onto the bed next to Lydia. “He’s just so pretty!”  
“Believe me I know, but he is also the most sour guy I have ever met. Remember in high school he was captain of the swim team and Scott joined, but Derek kicked him off for not practising enough, saying he would lose them the championship even though their team was crap.”  
“We still went to every swim team event there was.”  
“Because we appreciate the sport”  
“And by that you mean we used to perv on him and the other chiselled boys and their …fitness.” Stiles felt that stating that they all appreciated how the guys looked in their speedos was too far even though that was exactly what they had done, along with Danny and Allison. Lydia had gotten sick of Stiles’ choices so picked something out of the wardrobe herself. Just go in these blue skinny jeans and this tank top, don’t forget to keep the push up bra on and you’ll be fine” with that Lydia picked up stiles make up bag and opened it “now where should we start with?”

*******

Derek received a text from Erica at 11 telling him the time. She also told him that the lunch party was bigger than he previously had thought. It was 8 people including him. He would have absolutely no alone time with stiles. Did she think of him as a friend? What if he embarrassed himself in front of her when he went for that asshole last night? Derek really should not have surprised at Erica's crazy mind powers that she texted him at that moment.  
 ** _Stop freaking out. She likes you it'll be fine_**

**_Do you have some kind of voodoo?_ **

**_I've known you since the 8th grade genius. Boyd says hi btw._ **

**_And stop freaking out._ **

Derek parked outside the diner and proceeded to freak out for 5 minutes until he got a text from Erica   
 _ **We can see you. Get out the car and come in Einstein**_  
  


Derek dropped his head on the wheel. Smooth Derek so very very smooth.  
He got out the car and went into the diner and looked for the booth they were sat in. Of course there was no one there yet. Damn Erica and her crazy mind skills. Then he got a text from stiles  
 ** _We're running a bit late. Be there in 10 xxx_**

*****

"Stiles! Three kisses? You don't put three kisses when you've made a guy wait for the first semi date.rule number 15"  
"And you couldn't possibly have told me 5 minutes ago when I started to worry about it?"  
"I just didn't think you needed me to write down the kisses rules." Lydia said with a raised eyebrow  
"Awh leave her alone Lyds." Allison chastised "it's fine honey he probably won't even think about it"

******

Derek kind of did think about it , in fact immediately rang Erica.  
"What does three kisses on a text mean?"  
"How many texts have there been previously and how many does she send to her friends because if she sends 3 to everyone then it's nothing but if she sends 1 or 2 usually then she likes you and if she usually sends 4/5 or more then she is nervous about it. Then again she did give you free food last night and agreed to this date so... I'm going to go with she wants your d" Derek rolled his eyes, why did he associate with these people? He put the phone down and drummed his fingers on the table. After a few minutes and several ignored looks from couples annoyed he had a booth all to himself he heard the door open. He ignored them assuming it would be another couple annoyed because they would have to suck face on the uncomfortable chairs instead of the comfy ones he was on.  
"BOO!" Stiles scared the crap out of Derek and the people round her laughed, he tried to glare but it's difficult when the person he was trying to glare at looked like every one of his wet dreams combined, so he glared at the guys around her who quickly shut up.  
"Oh don't be such a sour wolf!" Stiles smiled at Derek and slid in next to him. 

"Hey"

"HI Stiles"

One of the guys nodded at Derek "Hey dude I'm Scott, this is Jackson, Lydia and Allison. There was a chorus of greetings plus one annoyed grunt from the guy Scott had indicated as Jackson. Derek responded in kind and felt very old around a bunch of kids that had pretty much just graduated, but they all seemed decent enough, excluding Jackson who had a serious attitude problem (read:douche bag). Scott spoke first

"so Derek what is it that you do?" Stiles groaned and hid her head in the crook of her arm on the table. 

"please don't judge me by this, i did ask them not to do it" derek smiles at stiles and proceeded through all the questions like a trooper even when they got to awkward ones about what kind of protection he used and supernatural references were not apreciated by anyone, except Stiles who giggled when he said he had an angel blade with a serious poker face.

The meal consisted mainly of curly fries and a continued interrogation from all of Stiles' friends, while Boyd and Erica sat back and didn't help in the slightest, Erica, in fact, spent most of the time trying not to laugh. Why was it that every time he was around Stiles there was an evil woman laughing at him?  
Somehow Erica had managed the cars so that Stiles had to be driven home by Derek, his oldest friend may be evil but the woman was sneaky and clever.

The ride home was comfortable, it allowed the pair a chance to actually get to know each other a bit more while no one was being given a ticket, or being punched or being interrogated. (Derek really did have zero luck) they chatted about music, food, plans for 'real life', movies, all the unimportant stuff. it was really nice and Stiles was so glad she gave him a second chance as he agreed with her about the awesomeness of batman and the outcry that was no movie about "budapest" yet because they would both watch the shit out of that.

When they got to Stiles' apartment it went silent. as they were both awkward fucks they didn't really know what to do until they both started talking at the same time  
"it's been really nice." and "do you want to come up?" getting mangled together. they laughed at themselves and so Stiles took derek's hand and in the sexiest voice she could muster she said  
"you should come upstairs"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND THEN THEY BANGED! okay i promise the next chapter will be more detail than that but it might take me a while as I'm a smut writing newbie. comments and kudos are really appreciated! and the next chapter will also be beta-ed I promise!!!


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